Lula Suilaman ’12 shared: “I wish I had known several things during my time at The Winchendon School. Currently, I am a 26-year-old trans woman undergoing hormone replacement therapy, but I wasn’t sure of my gender identity back then. I didn’t understand that I’ve always been a girl and that it was ok to be one. Nobody had told me anything about it, there was no information out there; the concept of it all seemed so distant and forbidden. I didn’t know what “transitioning” meant and was oblivious to the fact that hormone replacement therapy existed. By strict dorm policies, I was forced to live in the boys’ dorm, despite the fact that I never identified as one. That was the only thing I was sure of; I was not a boy nor did I feel like one. Therefore, I didn’t feel safe or comfortable. I wanted to spend time with my girlfriends, which were the only people I felt like I could be myself with, but I wasn’t allowed to go inside the girls’ dorms. How could a “male” be allowed inside the “female” dorm? My friends and I, including some close faculty members, thought it was a ridiculous and a lazy response to my plight for a series of reasons. I found myself being constantly alienated. To assume my presence would discomfort or “endanger” the rest of the female students while I had to live in fear every day seemed terribly unfair. I found myself constantly defeated and could only comfort my sadness by telling myself that I didn’t make the rules. But I was unaware that I could change them; that I could have changed them. I wasn’t aware that I didn’t have to be undergoing hurt to identify as a girl, and that I should have fought for my gender identity to be validated and respected as much as any other cisgender girl. No one truly understood what I was going through; not even myself. More than ten years have gone by and I’ve heard the school has changed tremendously in its policies. That thought brings me genuine joy and peace. All I can really say is that trans lives are difficult but they don’t have to be; unfortunately, the concept is still somewhat new even though we’ve been around since the beginning of history. Be strong; you are not alone. And know that it is in your hands, regardless of cisgender or transgender identities, to create safe spaces for others as well as ourselves. That you deserve love, respect and it is your right to feel safe, too.”
We are excited and appreciative that Lula has shared her story – and hope that it inspires others who have convictions or questions about their identity. Please let us know if you or someone you know is struggling or has struggled with this in the past in our community. You can tell us here. Unfortunately, while Lula was at Winchendon, I don’t believe that anyone on the School’s leadership team was aware that Lula was transgender. While it is probably little consolation to Lula – and I am saddened to think that she must have felt so unsupported while at the Winch – I do believe that she would be pleased to find a community that is much more attuned and accepting of students of all genders as well as those who are grappling with their gender and/or sexual identity. There are many complexities and challenges in creating a safe environment for each and all students, and we are certainly committed to doing so. Thank you, Lula, for helping move our School forward.
John Kerney – Former Head of School and current Executive Director
